Dating without Courting is a Recipe for Disaster

It's Easy to Become Complacent



Yes, I know you may be thinking, “lady this is the 21st Century and nobody has time for that!” Or you may be thinking, “what the heck is courting??” The reason I decided to write on this topic is because it made the top 10 complaints that I hear from my close girlfriends.

Courting means: To be involved with romantically, typically with the intention of marrying. 

The reason why I date someone is to find out if we have the potential to be with each other and ultimately spend the rest of our lives together. Other than that I might as well call it hooking up.

When you are dating with purpose, you approach finding love from a higher consciousness. Often times a man forgets that the lady he is in a relationship with needs to feel love and wanted. Expressions of that to a women involves courting her and finding out things like: what are her goals and dreams in life, and what makes her happy or sad, what are her hobbies and passions etc.

It’s very easy to become complacent when dating, because let’s face it life can be busy and overwhelming at times. However, it is very important for a man to take time out to spend quality time with his significant other and make her feel special. Afterall, the (2) parties are still going through a probationary period. Think about it, when you go through a probationary period at a new job you don’t devote weak efforts and skills. You go the extra mile to try and stand out and show your boss or superiors that your valuable and an asset to the company. The same thing applies to dating.

Dating requires dedication and commitment and it’s hard work. It’s not a one time process of doing something nice for the other person, but it’s mostly made up of the little things. Such as: spending one and one quality time with that person outside of mutual friends/family and most definitely outside of the bedroom. Afterall, if she only wanted just sex or someone to hang out with from time to time she could have remained single.

I personally believe that the man should take the lead and set the pace and direction of the relationship. He should decide when the relationship is taken to another level (the woman should not be the one throwing hints that she wants to go to another level). l could never date someone that I could just walk all over. I would loose respect for that person. Most women, including myself, like when their significant other’s plan dates in advance and set aside personal time to be together. Even if it’s just a walk in the park, going for ice cream, catching a movie or going out to a cozy restaurant to enjoy dinner and each other’s company. The last thing a woman wants is to only have good memories of her man that took place inside thebedroom“. Women aren’t that complicated, often times we express ourselves, but it falls on deaf ears.

When a woman doesn’t feel loved, she shuts down emotionally. This can be deceiving because physical she is still checked in, which gaves a false pretence that nothing is wrong. For me, it’s not about the big things a person does in a relationship. I value the effort put into spending time with me and asking me, “what would you like to do?” A lot of women go unheard and start feeling alone in their relationship’s, because their significant other never made them a priority (they were always just a backup plan) or never even took the time to ask her what she would like to do. But it doesn’t stop there, I have too many girlfriends that complain to me that even after expressing what they would like to do, their men just make empty promises to them. Or they end up being the one’s always making the effort to see their significant others (out of sight out of mind syndrome). Let’s face it talking on the phone once a day is not a relationship (or at the very least, not a healthy one). So much could have transpired in her day.

Also, another complaint I hear all the time is that other men compliment them more or check on their overall well being more. Another thing fellas, a woman knows when a man is making a genuine effort to be with her, versus just doing the bare minimum. Great long lasting relationships don’t just happen on their own. My advice to my girlfriends significant other’s is to think back on the things you did for her in the beginning of your relationship. Often times those things became deficient as the relationship progressed and she started feeling alone even though she is still with you.

Fellas, start by asking yourself these questions:

  • “If I was her dating me, would I be happy????”

  • “Do I make a sincere effort to spend quality one and one time with her outside the bedroom???

  • Do I make her feel secure by having talks about the future with her in my life???

  • Do I ask her, “what would you like to do???”

  • Does she know how much I love and appreciate her???


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